Conversations That Matter!

I am so thrilled to be sharing this blog with you…as you know communicating with our children is vital and while you may be stuck deep in the trenches discussing which book to read for the 100th time or negotiating what snack your child is allowed to have, I want you to know that there are some great conversations going on between parents and their children these days that I absolutely need to acknowledge and highlight. There has been a huge shift in open and honest dialogue from just a few generations ago to today and this is amazing for our children and their future.

No longer do we hear or say, “Children should be seen and not heard”. Nowadays we know that children have a voice and it should be heard and valued. More importantly though, children and parents should be hearing each other. Today I want to share with you a few snippets of some fantastic conversations I have literally heard over the last few months. I have kept them anonymous but they are real.

Why read on? Because as a parent there are some tricky, awkward and difficult conversations that have to be had in order to build trusting relationships with our children and to equip them to deal with those tricky, awkward and difficult situations in their lifetime.

I am full of pride and joy when I think about these conversations I have witnessed that I am sharing with you today. I only hope that this blog helps you feel comfortable and confident as a parent too that you can have these conversations with your child, maybe not today, maybe not for a few years when they are older but certainly know that you can do it and if you are willing to have a go at these tricky conversations then your relationship with your child will be far stronger than you could have imagined.

My first example is a shout out to a step-dad who has a conversation with his teen step-daughter about how he and her dad have different jobs but it doesn’t make one better than the other, they are just different people. Oh how I loved hearing this. It puts a smile on my face to hear such respectful conversation about a child’s own father when there could very well be some underlying hostility and dislike but this is not brought into the conversation for the child’s sake. He goes on to try to provide examples for her about how people are different by highlighting that her and her brother like different flavour soft drinks and a few other examples to help her see that people are different and that not one is better than the other. This conversation has so many positives such as his teaching about respect, diversity, acceptance and compassion. LOVE IT!

The next one is the loving mum who tells her son that he is amazing at reading even though he isn’t reading quite as well as the other kids in his grade. She continues to encourage and praise his efforts without making him feel dumb or in a hurry to catch up to others. And he in turn, continues to improve at a slow pace but he does improve because he has confidence in himself! Thanks to his mum (and probably at least one dedicated teacher!) who continue to remind him that the effort he puts in is worth far more than the result he gets. This continued conversation and positive reinforcement has such huge benefits for this child as he is not feeling inadequate but instead he is boosting his self-confidence and self-worth which are by far more important than any natural ability as well as working on building a little thing called perseverance which is so important too.

Lastly, I share with you the conversation about wealth and money. In fact, it stems from a question from a young child to their parent asking, “How do people get rich?” The conversation, as most tricky ones do, comes out of nowhere and I see the parent thinks on it for a minute and then replies with statements about working hard, always having a job once old enough, learning how to save more than you spend and not live beyond your means. The conversation though, turned to a short explanation about the parents and how they are not rich, their parents were not rich either and that they are happy about that and believe life is about more than having lots of money. The parents used this opportunity to share what is most important to them besides money and to highlight some of the positive feelings you get when you do save for something and then purchase it with your own hard-earned money. I imagine I could go on for hours with my children if engaged in a conversation such as this as it could very easily influence their relationship with money in adulthood. Conversations about money and its place in our lives are extremely important as they will determine habits formed in relation to money and spending.

There it is! 3 examples of some excellent conversations I have heard just recently that parents are having with their children. I hope that in reading this you too are thinking about some of the important conversations you have had with your children and are feeling better prepared to have more in the future. It is not possible to have answers to tricky or awkward conversations ready to go but what you can do is embrace the questions, take your time to answer and think about what you really want your child to hear from you and to take away from your conversation.

Happy chatting!